The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
