Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it glows. i had to have it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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