It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
