You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
