My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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