If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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