it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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