I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
