I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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