you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
