just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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