i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im holly from the hills drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
