My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
