Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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