I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Randomize
