Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
