i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
