youre lurking in front of me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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