chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
