There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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