he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
