chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
