so let's talk penis.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
