careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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