That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
