Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
