i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
