Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
