how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.