When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.