i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.