i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
