He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
