where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...so i touched it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
