I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
