My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
