he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the day after is always just damage control
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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