Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
