so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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