he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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