just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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