literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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