Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
