Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
