when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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