We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
