I think i peed on brittanys purse
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
