Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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