just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
