I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
