I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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