Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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