okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
