She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
