my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
