There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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