last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
