i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
