I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
