yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
