It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vagina is officially offended.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize