She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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