god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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