If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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