Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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