Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
